Get Your Results
Caregiver Check-In: how heavy is the load right now?
Thirty-four quick questions that show where caregiving is costing you the most, area by area, so you know what to ask for and who to ask.
Checked September 5, 2026. The questions do not change, but the programs and phone numbers in the next steps section can. Please confirm before you rely on any listing here.
Why it helps to name the load
Most caregivers I talk with cannot say where it hurts. They just know they are tired. When a state Family Caregiver Support Program takes someone on, the first thing the care consultant does is a structured assessment, because caregiving strains people in different ways and the help that works for one person does nothing for another. Respite fixes a time problem. It does not fix a relationship problem, or the feeling that you have lost yourself.
This check-in walks the same six areas those programs look at, in plain language, in about ten minutes. Nothing is stored or sent anywhere. What you get is a clear picture of which areas are heavy, which are light, and what to ask for first.
The evidence is encouraging. In two randomized studies, caregivers who received a tailored assessment and care plan saw their stress, their sense of losing themselves, and their depressive symptoms fall over the following months, while caregivers who got the usual help saw all three rise. They were also less likely to be planning a nursing home move.
Sources: AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, Caregiving in the US 2025; CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, August 2024, Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System 2021 to 2022; Montgomery and colleagues, Journal of Gerontology: Social Sciences, 2011, two randomized trials of the TCARE protocol. This check-in is inspired by the areas that protocol measures. It is not the TCARE tool and is not a diagnosis of anything.
1Your time and daily life
In the past month, how much has caregiving...
1. Taken time you would otherwise spend on your own activities?
2. Cut into your sleep or rest?
3. Kept you from seeing friends or family the way you would like?
4. Left you with little privacy or time to yourself?
5. Affected your work, your finances or your ability to earn?
6. Made it hard to keep up with your own health appointments or exercise?
2How the relationship feels
How much do you feel the person you care for...
1. Asks for more help than they actually need?
2. Tries to get you to do things by making you feel guilty?
3. Makes requests that go beyond what you think is reasonable?
4. Does not notice or appreciate what you do?
5. Expects you to be the one who does everything?
3What it is doing to you
These days, how much do you feel...
1. Anxious or worried about what comes next?
2. Stretched thin, as if there is no room for one more thing?
3. Trapped, or unable to step away from caregiving?
4. Nervous, on edge or easily upset?
5. Tired in a way that rest does not fix?
4What still feels good
How much do you feel that caregiving...
1. Brings you closer to the person you care for?
2. Gives you a sense of purpose?
3. Lets you give back for what they have done for you?
4. Shows you strengths you did not know you had?
5. Is appreciated by the person you care for or by others?
6. Fits with your values about family, faith or friendship?
5The life you have and the life you want
How much do you agree with each statement?
1. What I do each day does not fit with the kind of life I want to be living.
2. I feel I have lost part of who I used to be.
3. The person I care for and I no longer relate the way we used to, as partners, as parent and child, or as friends.
4. I do things for them now that I never expected to be doing.
5. I feel more like a nurse or a manager than a partner, a child or a friend.
6. Other people expect me to keep going no matter what it costs me.
6Mood and energy
Over the past two weeks, how often have you...
1. Felt down, low or hopeless?
2. Had trouble sleeping, or slept far more than usual?
3. Had little interest or pleasure in things you usually enjoy?
4. Had trouble concentrating on simple things?
5. Felt lonely, even with other people around?
6. Felt that everything was an effort?
Your results
Answer the questions above and your results will appear here. You can see them at any point, even with some questions left blank.
My notes
What you want to remember, what you want to ask about, who you want to talk to.
Send your results by email
Choose the mail service you use. A new message opens with your results already in it, ready to send to yourself, a family member or to me.
If nothing opens, copy the text below and paste it into any message.
How the Family Caregiver Support Program works
Every state runs a Family Caregiver Support Program, funded under the Older Americans Act and delivered through the local Area Agency on Aging. It is for unpaid family and friends caring for an adult aged 60 and over, or for someone of any age with dementia, and for older relatives raising children. It is not means tested. What it offers depends on your state and your assessment, and usually includes some mix of respite care, counseling or support groups, caregiver training, help finding services, and small amounts of money for supplies or equipment.
The standard route is this:
- Call the Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116, weekdays, or search eldercare.acl.gov, and ask for the Area Agency on Aging that serves your county.
- Ask that agency, by name, for the Family Caregiver Support Program and a caregiver assessment. Do not describe your situation and wait to be routed. Say the name of the program.
- A care consultant will do a structured assessment with you, by phone or in person. In Washington State and several others it is the TCARE assessment, which takes 40 to 60 minutes. Your check-in results are a good rehearsal for it.
- You get a care plan with specific services and a follow-up date. Ask for a copy in writing.
On Whidbey Island the agency is Island Senior Resources, 360-321-1600. Ask for the Family Caregiver Support Program.
What to ask when you call
- Is there a wait for an assessment, and can anything start before it?
- Is respite available, how many hours, and can I choose the person or agency who provides it?
- Is there a caregiver support group, in person or online, and when does it meet?
- Is there any funding for supplies, equipment or home changes, and how do I claim it?
- Who is my named contact, and how do I reach them if things change?
Next steps
- Print or email your results so you have them in front of you when you make the call.
- Pick the one heaviest area from your results. That is the thing to ask for help with first. Trying to fix everything at once is how people end up fixing nothing.
- Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask for the Family Caregiver Support Program by name.
- Tell one person in your life what you learned from this check-in. Saying it out loud is where the load starts to shift.
- If you would like to talk one on one with me about your journey, and learn about the options in your area, you can schedule a paid Zoom meeting at kindpathguide.com/pages/caregiver-support.